Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
