i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so explain again why im purple
no
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
