please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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