i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
