theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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