Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
porn star boner night. come get it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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