Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
