Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
