just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
