I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
