after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Randomize
