I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
