The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
