and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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