she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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