dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize