the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
