his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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