dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
