No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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