we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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