is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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