I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
