all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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