I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
