for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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