And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
