i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
