I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
