You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this will be a night to untag.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
