I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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