I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
