She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
