So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
