My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
