i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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