Can i not drive my cunt home
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
