Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
