I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
