i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found your dick twin last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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