My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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