Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
