You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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