Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
