When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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