I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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