Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
