stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
