I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
