he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
