shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
