are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
