omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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