i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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