GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
