Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
