well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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