So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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