im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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