Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize