i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
