Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
