if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
