How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
