I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize