My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
