Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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