I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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