Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
