is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
