omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize