Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
