Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
