Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
