well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
