Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We left an ass print on the piano.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is Oprah even human
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
