my soul wont recognize me after tonight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
